This is the second column of my favorite cat's advice. Click on his picture to read his third column, or click here to read his first column.
Dear Basho,
My friend is married to this complete jerk. He's charming & talented & even kinda cute, but he's a complete whore. He's slept with three other women in the past year (that I know of, there may well have been more. One of them was a friend of theirs), one of whom he admitted to having a year long affair with, one of whom she's never known about, but it's gone on for years, and one that she knew about from a past dalliance & heard about the recent time, but he denied it & she believed him. He came close to leaving her for the one he admitted to, but didn't end up having the balls to do it. So she took him back & bought him a house. How can I get her to wake up without breaking her heart?
-A Frustrated Friend
Dear Frustrated,
Have you tried running around like a maniac at three in the morning, stopping when you have bumped into the bookcase, causing the unfinished bottle of wine to fall over and spill on the carpet? Another thing to try is meowing at the towel drawer for no reason; I know it's a cliche, but sometimes the classic methods work best. Let me know what happens; I care.
-Basho
Dear Basho,
My new cat, Betty, sometimes poops on the very edge of the catpan, so half of it sometimes falls on the newspaper by the pan. She also does not cover up her poop. She does paw in the kitty litter and throws it all around, but in the direction opposite from where she poops. Betty is 8 years old, and overall seems very happy since she moved in with me a month ago.
What can I do about her confused personal habits?
-Grossed out
Dear Grossed,
Wait until Douglas is grading papers, and then climb on his lap. After he has
gotten used to your presence there, and is even enjoying it, suddenly vomit on one of
them. I hope that helps!
-Basho
Dear Basho,
I am currently treating a patient for End Stage Renal Disease and am at my wit's end. Currently the patient receives dialysis via a Gore-Tex Loop Graft, but it clots frequently. Although I'd like to create an arterio-venous fistula, the patients vessels are underdeveloped for such a procedure. Do I just wait and hope a kidney donor becomes available or just perform thrombectomy after thrombectomy?
-A Stumped Nephrologist
Dear Stumped,
KD diet worked for me.
-Basho
Many people talk about the wisdom of age, and also the primitive wisdom of our animal friends. As of the year 2000, Basho is Bar-Mitzvah age in human years, which makes him 91 years old in Cat Years. So he is old, animal, and legally responsible according to Jewish law. Do you have any problems? Ask Basho the Cat. He will use his feline earth-wisdom to help you. Email bashomail@dougshaw.com with your problems, and Basho will tell you how to solve them.
Read Basho's first column
Read Basho's third column
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Doug Code 5/2000: csbkn c vnkpoekmb somopqkp qop bkdnt, lknk pqdifre wk c mcboimcr dyibk im xqklkn in mib bi pkmj qot c "lcmh uif" hcne. -jifg pqcx
